We’ve all been there. The times when your toddler is wonderfully hilarious. The times when they say something horrifically inappropriate. The times when they leave you speechless. We all have our own list of ‘the things my toddler says’…
Things he says that make me wonder why I chose to have a child…
I made a mess. Clean it all up!
As I sneakily take the long way home from the grocery store in the hope that he might just fall asleep in the car and save me the argument about taking a nap.
Where are we going? You’re going the wrong way Mammy!
After waiting twenty minutes at the barbers and finally climbing into the chair
I’ve changed my mind!
I don’t really like it…
Things he says when trolling Daddy
What colour is Mars?
And what planet comes after Mars?”
His father gets very upset if his origami swans are referred to as ducks…
That’s a duck.
No, it’s a swan.
No… it’s definitely a duck.
It’s a DUCK daddy!
After insisting that his father haul him three levels up a climbing frame to the top of a slide in the playground, he re-evaluates the plan to go down the slide.
I’ll come back when I’m bigger!
Things he says that make me laugh…
It’s dark… I can’t see my eyes!
Are you ok?
I have a headache
Mammy is a bit sick. Are you going to puke in my puke bucket?
Eh, no. It’s a headache.
What are you doing?
I want to hide behind your bum.
Things he says that are total parenting fails
He picked up the phrase ‘bookin ‘ell’ whilst on a holiday involving driving on roads with maniacs. (Not blaming Daddy, who was driving, at all…) I tried swapping the phrase for something more benign. I started using the phrase ‘jeepers!’ when driving at home only to get the wrong response.
Jeepers! That driver shouldn’t have done that!
No Mammy, it’s jeepers BOOKIN’ ‘ELL!!
We don’t hit people.
But I NEED to!
What do you say when you want something?
Now! I want it now!
I explained to him that there was a man outside our door reconnecting our gas supply. He ambled out and sternly stared at the guy as he fiddled with the connector. Then he exclaimed very loudly, “What the hell?!” at him. Twice.
What the hell?!
Things he says that worry me sometimes…
What are you doing?
I’m having a shower. What are you doing?
I’m watching you!
So what’s happening in this part of the story?
Then the Bunny rabbit sticks the chilli up the bear’s bum.
My husband assures me that this is, in fact, what the delightful Japanese book says.
Things he says that make everything else okay
Can I have a little bit of your chocolate?
Daddy hits his hand doing some DIY.
Are you okay? I’m here…
Can I have a cuddle?